National Lampoon's Christmas Dinner (#110)

 

This year's Christmas movie was National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. It didn't take me long to figure out that I wanted to create their iconic Christmas dinner. The trick now was to do it justice.

In the film, the turkey is overcooked and dry. As an homage to that, I thought it would be fun to make intentionally dry turky or more specifically, turkey jerky. For dessert, I recreated Aunt Bethany's jello with cat food. For drinks, I had eggnog, which is featured heavily in the film, and some other holiday themed drinks. We also had a variety of sides which we kept pretty traditional but I added my own flair to.

Griswold's Turkey Jerky

For this recipe, you need to start with some thinly sliced, unprocessed turkey breast. I was nervous about my ability to cut small slices without a meat slicer, but fortunately my grocery store had some sliced turkey cutlets, so I used that. They were thicker than jerky is normally sliced, but they were better slices than what I would have been able to do by hand.

I was unsure what flavor profile I wanted to go with, whether I should make a traditional spiced jerky or something more inline with the holiday theme of the night. Ultimately, I decided to do both, and I'm glad that I did. Most of the guests preferred one over the other and they didn't agree on which was best.

Below is my recipe for both marinades and my cooking instructions:

Herbal "Christmas Turkey" Marinade:

• 1/2 cup Worcestershire (soy-free)
• 1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
• 1/4 cup dark brown sugar
• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 1 tsp kosher salt
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp onion powder
• 3/4 tsp smoked paprika
• 1/2 tsp dried thyme
• 1/2 tsp dried rosemary

Smokey Peppered "Burnt Turkey" Marinade:

• 1/2 cup apple juice
• 1/4 cup Worcestershire (soy-free)
• 2 tbsp dark brown sugar
• 1 tbsp coarse cracked pepper (I use a rainbow blend and hand crank it)
• 1 tsp smoked paprika
• 1tsp garlic powder
• 1/2 tsp mustard powder
• 1/2 tsp chili flake
• 1 tsp kosher salt

You'll notice that both of these marinades are soy free. That was by design. Most jerky marinades are soy based using either soy sauce or teriyaki sauce as their main ingredient. I have guests with soy allergies so I used Worcestershire sauce instead. If you would rather use soy sauce in your marinades, remove the added salt ingredient because soy sauce is saltier than Worcestershire.

Directions:

1. In a gallon Ziploc, combine and mix your marinade ingredients thoroughly.
2. Add approximately 1 pound of your sliced turkey to the ziploc.
3. Seal the bag tightly, shake, toss and massage until all the turkey looks like it well mixed with the marinade.
4. Open the ziploc slightly and press down to release any air from the bag. Then, reseal.
   
   
   
5. Put in fridge for 24 to 48 hours. A couple times a day, take the bag out to shake, toss, or massage to make sure all of the turkey is getting an even coating.
6. When you are ready to smoke the jerky, take it out of the marinade and let it rest and air dry on a wire rack for a little while. You can throw away the extra marinade.
   
   
   
7. While the turkey is drip drying, prep your smoker. For the peppered marinade, I would suggest a smokey wood like Hickory or Mesquite. For the holiday marinade, a sweet wood like Apple would be ideal. If you are smoking them together, go for a blend. When your smoker is ready, set it to the Smoke setting if you have one, which is about 160°F.
8. Before you smoke your turkey, lightly dab any wet spots you still see with a papertowel. The goal here is to remove excess moisture without wiping off the flavorful marinade.
9. Lightly sprinkle some additional seasoning over your jerky before moving it to the smoker. For the peppered blend, just crack some more pepper over it. For the holiday one, I made a spice blend similar to what was in the marinade by combining 1 tsp garlic powder, 1 tsp onion powder, 1 tsp dried thyme, 1 tsp dried rosemary crushed finely, 1/2 tsp smoked paprika, 1/2 tsp pepper, 1/2 tsp kosher salt, and 1/4 tsp of ground sage in a small bowl. After combined, just grab a couple pinches and lightly sprinkle over the jerky from 1 to 2 feet above it. Whether you use the pepper or the herbs, they should stick to the marinade still on the turkey.
10. Smoke your jerky for three hours at 160°F. Every hour, flip the jerky to ensure even cooking. This will also help prevent it from sticking to the rack too much while it cooks. When you do your first flip, sprinkle your pepper or herb blend onto this side as well.
    
    
    
11. After three hours, remove jerky from smoker and move into a container that you have lined with paper towels. Let it sit out open for a little while. It will continue to dry out and you will see the paper towels absorb additional moisture that you didn't even know was there.
    
    
    
12. After a little while, you can move it to the fridge but don't seal your container shut yet. You can have it covered but still open to let air and humidity out.
13. After an hour or so, you can go ahead and seal your container shut. Your jerky is done.

Because this recipe doesn't use curing salts, this jerky is not shelf stable. It should be stored in the refrigerator and eaten within a couple weeks of being made.

Aunt Bethany's Lime Jello

Aunt Bethany's jello is an iconic part of this film. It appears to a standard lime jello, except that it is garnished with dry cat food and what appears to be barbecue potato chips.

To recreate this dish, I garnished with chocolate Cheerios and Frosted Flakes. Even though these are certainly edible, I will emphasize that they are a garnish only. The flavors and textures don't pair well with the jello. Instead for flavor, I added crushed pineapple to the jello.

Ingredients:

• 2 6oz boxes of lime jello mix
• 1 8oz can of crushed pineapple
• 1 can spray coconut oil
• Chocolate Cheerios and Frosted Flakes for garnish (or any other edible snack with a similar appearance)

Directions:

1. Dissolve two 6 oz packages of lime jello into 4 cups of boiling water
2. Add 2 cups of cold water and stir. (The box instructions call for twice that much cold water, but I reduced the amount of water to increase the firmness of my jello and so that it would better hold it's shape.)
3. As the jello thickens, stir in about a cup of drained, canned crushed pineapple. It's important that you use canned pineapple because fresh or frozen pineapple contain an enzyme that breaks down gelatin and prevent it from solidifying.
4. Off to the side, prepare a bundt cake pan by greasing the inside with coconut oil. This will prevent sticking without adding an odd flavor which can happen with other oils.
5. Once you notice that some of pineapple chunks have started sinking in the mixture instead of all of them floating to the top, pour the jello liquid into your mold, cover with plastic wrap, and move it to the fridge. Let cool overnight.
6. The next day, set the mold into a large bowl of warm water to loosen the jello. Run a knife or similar tool along the edges to let some air in and loosen the seal.
7. Carefully flip mold over onto large serving plate. Garnish by carefully placing chocolate Cheerios along the top and frosted flakes around the outside. Cover and return to fridge until you are ready to serve.

This dessert came out really good. The jello was firm and delicious and there was definitely a sound of shock when my guests saw how much it looked like the original.

Enhanced Green Bean Casserole

Green bean casserole is one of my favorite dishes during the holiday season. This batch that I made as a side was pretty traditional with just a couple enhancements that I think took it over the edge.

Ingredients:

• 1 tbsp butter
• 1 can (8oz) of mushroom pieces and stems
• 2 cans (10.5oz) of cream of mushroom with roasted garlic
• 4 cans (14.5oz) of fresh cut green beans with seas salt (drained)
• 1 1/2 cups whole milk
• 1 large container (6oz) of French's crispy fried onions
• salt, pepper, and garlic to taste

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350°F.
2. Melt butter in frying pan at medium to medium high heat.
3. Once hot, add canned mushroom and saute with salt and garlic until mushrooms have darkened and cooked.
4. Move cooked mushrooms to a large baking pan (like a 9x11).
5. Add the cream of mushroom, green beans, milk, and half the container of fried onions. Mix thoroughly in pan. While mixing, add fresh pepper, (I use a rainbow blend) salt, and maybe even a little more garlic to your liking.
6. Once flavors are good and everything is thoroughly mixed, spread it around so that it is level and the ingredients seem to be evenly distributed.
7. Bake at 350°F for 30 minutes.
8. After 30 minutes, remove from oven, sprinkle the remaining fried onion over the top, and return to oven for 5 more minutes or until topping is golden and crispy.
9. When finished, remove from oven. If dinner is not soon, cover with aluminum foil to keep warm.

This recipe is very similar to the one you might find on the back of the fried onion container or the can of beans. The biggest difference is the addition of the sauteed mushroom and the garlic. I got a lot of compliments on this dish, so I will probably continue to make it like this going forward.

Roasted Butter Potatoes

This is a pretty simple side to make. I don't measure most of the ingredients though. I go by instinct and smell.

Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 400°F.
2. Wash and chop 5 pound bag of yukon gold potatoes into eigths or smaller.
3. Put 4 tbsp of butter in large roasting pan and put in oven.
4. Check regularly and take it out of the oven once the butter has begun to carmelize and brown but before it burns.
5. Add all your potato pieces to the pan, season to your liking, and stir well. You want every piece to be evenly coated in butter and seasonings. For my dish, I primarily seasoned with salt, garlic, and parsley, but this technique would also work with more of a spiced season salt blend or old bay.
6. Return roasting pan to oven and roast for an hour or more. I suggest taking it out every half hour and stirring it so that the potatoes can get good sears on different sides.
7. Once potatoes look cooked, remove and serve or cover with aluminum foil if not ready to serve just yet.

Five pounds of potatoes might sound like a lot, but there wasn't much of this left at the end of the evening. A lot of people make roasted potatoes with olive oil, because it helps the seasoning stick to the potato. This technique of melting butter does the same thing, and browning the butter first, gives it an even richer flavor. Plus, this has the added benefit of "greasing your pan" so your potatos likely won't stick or burn.

Overall, the entire night was a hit. In addition to these sides, I also made some stovetop stuffing. To make that stuffing juicier and more flavorful, I cooked it in vegetable stock instead of water. That one small change made a big difference.

To lighten the amount of cooking needed of me, I also asked guests to bring food, so this wasn't all the food that we had. I was very pleased with all of my dishes and with how well my jerky and jello tied in with the film. I would definitely recommend this movie night to anyone looking for a fun Christmas get together.